polyproticamory: (Default)
My PhD advisor shared an imaginative exercise with us during class once: Imagine what you want writers you admire to say about your work. Write those words down. Put them up where you can see them and remind yourself of them.

I haven't quite done the last part of writing them down and then posting them in places where I can see them. There is some part of me that is a little skeptical about such reminders. I don't know if such simple acts are enough to get me to do the things I need to do in order to write what I want to write. It's a little silly, maybe, but there is some part of me that thinks that if I really want to write something, then I'll feel intrinsically motivated to do so.

Of course, I also know enough to know that motivation is hardly ever so clean. I know enough that intrinsic motivation is among the hardest things to do.

What I might try to do is to make such reminders into art that I can hang up. I recently had a minor disaster in my office: the felt pads that I've put up as a kind of bulletin board have started falling off because I kept repositioning them too much, so the sticky pads have stopped being sticky. It got so annoying to put them over and over that I took them down, and so now I have a blank wall. I'm planning on putting them back up soon, but in the meantime I'm thinking about what else to put on that board. What other reminders do I want? What other things do I want to highlight for myself? What will get me to do things, and not just sit around waiting for motivation?

I guess I'll see. The first step, is to figure out a way to get them to not fall off again.
polyproticamory: (Default)
Consider this my first, formal-ish entry into something that I've been doing somewhat informally.

In an attempt to force myself to take my lunch breaks, I'm going to try and blog as many weekdays as I can and post quick thoughts during my lunch break.

My constraints: 
  • The post has to be made during my lunch break. Lately I've been trying to take breaks between 1-2pm, but the post itself has to be made during the time I have set aside for not working.
  • The post has to be written in 30 minutes. This is a creative challenge; I don't want to get bogged down too much in editing — I have the rest of my professional and creative life to self-flaggelate with editing.
  • There are no constraints on subject matter. However, the post should try to come to focus on/make a single point. While I like my stream-of-consciousness, I feel like my consciousness could be a little more honed, you know? 
Some goals: 
  • Write 100 such entries in the rest of this calendar year.
  • To take breaks from work doing something I know I love.
Here's to some future lunch notes!
polyproticamory: (Default)
I've tried, and failed, in the past to use structured planners, so I tend to do a kind of bullet journal system. Today, I started laying out my April pages.

And oh boy, it's going to be a month.

Last week, I feel like I was caught up in a flurry of activity. I was posting to this journal most days during my lunch break (as I'm doing right now), and I was really active at work (somewhat goofing off a little in Slack, but I can't help that Slack makes me, you know, slack sometimes), and I was keeping on top of my daily to-do lists. This past month of March has, thankfully, been a relatively quiet one for me. Aside from the ambient dread that characterizes most days living in the U.S. right now, I didn't have to do much of anything out of the norm.

Not so for April. Starting next weekend, I'm traveling out of town for various events and conferences. While I'm certain I can stay on top of the work I need to do, I am already anticipating April to be a month where some plates stop spinning, and I have to work really hard to get through all the things.

On another note, I finished reading through Dear Senthuran over the weekend, and wow, if I wasn't a big fan of Akwaeke Emezi before, I'm certified 100% a fan now.

I wrote earlier about how some of the earlier letters elicited a kind of visceral reaction in me, especially when the subject matter bordered on medical procedures that are adjacent to my own wants. I feel like the latter half of the book was just letter-for-letter uncannily evocative. In one "Desire | Dear Eugene" Emezi vividly describes a daydream of wanting a friend who may not want you in the same way. And, if I'm honest, I've been feeling that this past week: embarrassingly pining over a kind acquaintance to the point of losing a bit of time each day to just daydreaming what ifs. Granted, I think a lot of people feel this way, at least occasionally — vividly imagining encounters that spiral out into entire scenes in ways that idealize someone you barely even know — but reading that letter just happened to hit me at the right time.

When I finished reading the book, I then started trying to write. It's been a while, but I felt really buzzed, and I wanted to try and see how much I could do with all the feelings I was feeling. I can't say it was my best writing, but damn, it felt good.
polyproticamory: (Default)
I'm on my lunch break right now, and I noticed that I think much faster on my feet when I'm writing rather than speaking. In all the meetings I've had this morning, I was sort of a flat, diminished version of myself. Technically the same person, but much of my communication is through my facial expressions, and I will default to using the chat where I'm all 💖🌈💐✨🥰 rather than speaking aloud.

It shouldn't really come as a surprise. I've always preferred writing to talking.

While I was doing some errands this morning, I did some surface-level reflection on this daily-ish lunchposting I've been doing on Dreamwidth, and I think I write more when I blog more. Not just, like, empirically (obviously, blogging counts as writing, so if I blog more then I'm, by definition, writing more). But all my non-blog writing feels more alive, somehow. It feels more focused and energetic. I'm having more fun. Last night, after I finished work, I sat down and wrote a draft of a new short story for two hours. It's the first piece of original fiction (not fan fiction) that's not related to any of my degree work that I've written in months (if not...years?). It's rough, and I already have plans for how to edit it, but I have the pages and I felt excited about it, about its potential.

I don't think I have a grand theory for why this might be the case. I don't know if it's confirmation bias (I'm noticing the writing now that I'm paying this kind of attention to it), or am developing an affinity for it, or if I'm somehow tricking my brain into writing a certain way (i.e., I write more things that could be read by an audience, even when none technically exists, then I'm more likely to write other things like I have an audience, which is to say, more focused and exciting). But all of this is to say: I'm writing more, and that makes me happy.
polyproticamory: (Default)
I'm on my lunch break (which I have to impose on myself otherwise I would work straight through—the perils of working from home) and I've been trying to settle on which fic of mine to work on during my work break. I'm (unfortunately) one of those writers who will have several projects going all at once until they all, all of a sudden, come to a close. And when it comes to fanfic writing, I'm the kind of writer who does not plan their pieces in advance. I feel like I took all the wrong lessons of serially-written novels (think Dickens, or Dumas) and have made them my fandom personality.

I never really wrote a lot of fic when I was younger. I definitely read a lot; my friends and I would even go so far as to print stories out to swap at recess (when we were in middle school) or study hall (when we were in high school). And though I barely read the texts assigned to me for my English/Language Arts classes, I read so. many. fics. My forays into fic writing were short-lived, though. I started handwriting a draft of a novel-length fic once, and I remember giving it to a friend for feedback, but I don't think it ever went anywhere. And since I didn't finish it during whatever school break I started it during (winter break, maybe?), then school took up too much of my time to actually try and finish it.

Anyway, all this is to say that here's an (incomplete) list of all the WIPs I have going right now, with links to AO3 if I've started actually posting them. I've been thinking of maybe not posting there anymore, unless I have a fic that I think really needs to find an audience. I have my reasons for that, but I'll expound on them another time.

Stardew Valley fics
  • i've done everything and i've been everywhere you know: Elliott/Female Farmer. The community center is fixed, with the help of Hana and the junimos, and now Hana finds herself continually drawn into the community. 
  • your graduation gown lies in rags at their feet: Sam/Penny. First-person POV through Penny's eyes, imagining Sam and Penny as high school sweethearts. Heavily inspired by the Bruce Springsteen song the title is taken from.
  • uneasy ally of the body: Harvey/Leah. Leah helps Harvey get through his body shame. Rated E (not for Everyone)

Tales of Vesperia fics
Critical Role fics: I haven't posted any of these yet, but I really want to. Most of my ideas are multichapter, though, so I need to finish a draft before I can reasonably start posting so that I don't leave people on edge. 
  • Sharpens Like An Image, Sharpens Like A Knife: Vox Machina class swap AU. Vax and Vex were separated at birth. Campaign 1 Chroma Conclave arc happens, but bent to fit the AU.
  • The Propagandists: Caleb/Essek. The Courting of the Crick literary analysis paper as fic, featuring extensive footnotes that heavily comment on the dynamic between Caleb and Essek. I don't care if no one else wants this; I want it.

polyproticamory: (Default)
Unsurprising no one, it has been a few years since I've written in this space. A lot has happened.

When I was in undergrad, I read Lady Oracle by Margaret Atwood. It was the first Margaret Atwood novel I had read, though by that point I knew of The Handmaid's Tale, and my partner had highly recommended Oryx and Crake to me. But I came across a copy of Lady Oracle in a secondhand bookshop and got it for a steal. Not much about it is extremely memorable. I remember thinking that Lady Oracle was published after The Handmaid's Tale because it was about a woman author who fakes her own death after her feminist novel had attracted some ire from the general reading public; my chronology was off, however, and Lady Oracle was published before The Handmaid's Tale—but after The Edible Woman, which I still have not yet read.

But aside from vague recollections of the plot, I vaguely recall a part early in the book where the protagonist describes her life as a baroque mirror: curling and winding in a "flabby" way (I remember specifically the word "flabby" to describe the meandering motion of a baroque design). And every so often, when I feel unfocused, I half-remember that passage. Time seems to spread away from me, unwinding and piling up in tangles of so much thread.

And I've been thinking about what I want this space to be: a public, semi-pseudonymous (this is a username I've used on other platforms tied to my real name, etc.), free space for me to share whatever I like, but I've been feeling a bit too aimless. I've felt like my writing lately has been a baroque mirror: somewhat self-reflective, but circling with no destination.

This page might not really become anything with any real focus, but I'm going to try and write in it more often anyway. It's funny: a lot of writers say that they have a notebook problem, buying more notebooks and never filling any of them, when that has never been my problem. I have very few notebooks that I haven't filled entirely, and I don't tend to hoard notebooks; I only do that when I'm embarking on a big writing project and I know I'll want to fill several notebooks' worth of notes, drafts, etc.

But what I do have are a lot of online spaces that sort of act like notebooks. I have a professional-ish website where I house the writing that has my real name attached so that people know I'm a real person when they Google (or DuckDuckGo, or, heaven forbid, Bing) me. I also have places like these where I'll jot half-formed thoughts, dash off some quick commentary, and then tend to leave abandoned for a while. So consider this entry a kind of revival of a notebook. I might keep this up; I might take three years to post the next entry. Who knows? I certainly don't.

polyproticamory: (Default)
and oh my god it is UNFORGIVING in how many characters there are. Just brief mentions, sketches, there are definitely too many in one place, but oh god, how else to capture being the odd one out of a large, and I mean LARGE, family??
polyproticamory: (Default)
I'm definitely going to try and get at least one of these papers published, but goddamn, I have a lot of feelings about reading Shakespeare!! And about ecocriticism!!
polyproticamory: (Default)
I've been writing 800 words of stream-of-consciousness nonsense in half an hour each day, and it does feel good. Obsidian is a really good way to keep this all organized, too, I think, and with the live preview feature it looks really polished, and sort of scratches that itch of posting a blog to a site like WordPress (or Dreamwidth lol).

But I still have yet to do more than just write down stream-of-consciousness and try to actually dig deep into my Feelings, but so far I'm really happy with how this digital journaling experiment is going. At the very least, it'll be something that I try to do to keep my hands moving, to keep writing, when I need to look like I'm doing work lol.
polyproticamory: (Default)
This Dreamwidth account is more like a social media profile, at least so far, where I share thoughts into the void lol. But a few weeks ago I suggested to an acquaintance who was looking for a digital journaling app or piece of software that she try out Obsidian. I usually do my personal journaling by hand, but I decided to actually take my own advice and try to start a digital personal journal.

So far, I wrote 850 words in half an hour (just stream of consciousness nonsense) and included an image and link to a thing on the internet, and I think I might actually try to keep this up. I've been having some trouble with my hand when I try to write (my fingers get weirdly numb, even if I'm holding the pen super lightly), and so maybe typing will help with that.

In any case, I'll post more about this, maybe. At the very least, it'll be an experiment.

Profile

polyproticamory: (Default)
polyproticamory

May 2025

M T W T F S S
   1 234
567891011
12 131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031 

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jun. 13th, 2025 08:02 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios